


11:11

by okoyee



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Parallel Universes, but they still end up together because im a sucker, fluffish? maybe?, just dan fucked up, married, not time traveling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 13:51:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6909979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okoyee/pseuds/okoyee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dan makes a wish and ends up in a parallel universe where him and Phil got together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	11:11

 

"I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations — one can either do this or that.

My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it — you will regret both."

Søren Kierkegaard, _Either/Or: A Fragment of Life_

 

 

 

 

Dan does not believe in wild conspiracy theories, things such as ghosts, luck and unicorns don't exist. He isn't a believer in things unknown—and promptly refuses to admit maybe he's so hard on _not_ believing so he can be the opposite to Phil, who gradually is accepting to anything—but Dan certainly does _not_ believe in wishing on stars, or when the clock turns to 11:11 (which is twice in a day, it isn't that uncommon, people) but yet, with all his beliefs that wishes only come true out of random probability, he still finds himself wishing and wishing and _wishing_.

At every turn of the hour, his eyes accidentally glancing at the clock as it turns to 11:11 Dan always finds himself squeezing his eyes shut so hard, breathless desperate chants of ' _please let Phil fall in love with me_ ' becoming the only thought until he opens his eyes again, waking up from the frantic, and can only feel ashamed with himself. Has he become so fragile that he's unable to do anything but wish for the things he wants? What ever happened to taking action? But as days turn to months, and months turn to years: Dan is beginning to wear. Tiredness creaks in his bones like a heavy silhouette, forcing the remainder of his breath under the crashing waves of his emotions. He's beginning to suffocate underneath his own love for Phil.

Sometimes it's too easy, to slip into the belief that him and Phil are together, as in _together_. Sometimes he'll smile too softly at Phil, wrinkles beside his eyes becoming more prominent, the look soft and loving, lips always delicately pressed into each other, forcing a thin but honest smile. Phil will date, and Dan is suddenly reminded of the cruel reality: Phil is not his.

In no version of this universe, not even in parallel universes, is Phil _his_.

Which is why when Dan wakes up the day after Phil had brought a girlfriend over to _introduce her to Dan_ —Dan panics; this has never happened before, Phil doesn't introduce his girlfriends and Dan doesn't ask to be introduced. But the look Phil had given her was the same look Dan gave to _Phil_ , the way Phil's eyes lit up, his expression so soft in love. Dan had internally collapsed. It was the end, he was looking at the end of their book. The end of Dan and Phil. He remembers holding his pillow that night, eyes pressed into his palms as he tries to muffle the sobs leaving his lips. He had felt so _stupid_ , so stupid for getting invested into a relationship that wasn't even a relationship. He was mourning the end of something that had yet to even _begin_ , and it hurt. It fucking all _hurt_.

He wakes up feeling tired. exhaustion heavy within him, keeping him underneath his comforter to keep the warm of dazed sleepiness trapped before he's confronted to face reality: Phil and his girlfriend. What was her name? _God_ , he wasn't even able to hear past the words 'Dan this is my girlfriend—'. A cold panic settles within him, forcing him to open his eyes and realize something very quickly. He is not in his room. Well, _no_ , he is? But isn't? The bed sheets are his, a nice black and grey, but one half of the room is brightly decorated to suit Phil's tastes, the other half of the room the same monochrome style his previous room had been. Plus, Phil is currently in his bed.

Dan briefly backtracks.

 _Phil is in my bed_ , Dan takes his state of usual sleep-nakedness and then Phil in his boxers, and his brain short circuits. _Why is Phil in my bed_?

Last time he checked he cried himself to sleep with Phil in the _next_ room over. Though maybe Phil and his girlfriend went out and Phil got drunk, Phil has that tendency, gets drunk and curls up into Dan for warmth and comfort. Maybe that habit is what keeps Dan so hopelessly loyal to Phil, the constant but small pieces of reinsurance. He squeezes his eyes shut, counting to ten, before sitting up and shaking Phil. Belatedly he thinks maybe he should have fetched a glass of water and some aspirin, or maybe even got  _dressed_ before waking Phil up. But it's too late, there's a groggy grunt of ' _what Dan_ ' and Dan blinks, realizing oddly enough it isn't morning, but his alarm clock flashes a deep red ' _4:53 AM_ ' angrily reflecting against Dan's face.

"Phil, go to your room. Do you need some water—?"

Phil _groans_ , hands randomly patting area's before (apparently) coming to find Dan's left shoulder, and putting a bit of force as though to put Dan back to bed. "Can we talk about your dream in the morning?"

Dan is briefly disgruntled. _Dream_? His face crumples, impatience slightly rising. " _Phil_ , please go to your bed, I don't care how drunk you are."

Finally Phil cracks open his eyes, "Drunk? Dan what are you going on about? Today is a _Wednesday_ , we have work tomorrow. Or today? Whatever, can you go back to sleep now?"

Dan backtracks. Wednesday? Phil introduced his girlfriend to him on a Friday. Was he in his room, passed out from grief for an entire _week_? _No_ , _that's impossible_ , Dan realizes, if that was the case he would've woken up in a hospital, or would really need to pee right now. No, there _would_ be pee in his bed. _How do you miss almost a whole week_? Phil, squinting tiredly at Dan, apparently senses some extreme panic, sighing he sits up, placing his glasses on his face as he yawns. Apparently not even remotely disturbed by the fact that they're both practically _naked_ and in the same freaking bed. Dan feels unnerved. "What's wrong? Another existential crisis?"

"No..." Dan says slowing, gauging. If Phil isn't going to comment on them sharing a bed, then neither will he. He's good at that, not stating his true feelings outright. Phil looks confused, as though asking ' _then what is it_?' but Dan tenses, "I'm just going to get some water, look away from my naked butt."

Phil outright _laughs_ , rolling his eyes as he flops the blanket back over himself muttering 'as if I don't see it every night...'

If Dan wasn't disturbed before, he was outright disturbed then. He closes his bedroom door after himself softly, wandering down the hall and into the kitchen to get his water. As he sits there drinking, pondering and leaned against their kitchen counter (not a single thing out of place) suddenly something, something _large_ is in the living room. Definitely out of place. Dan drops his mug at it, not bothering to try and soothe Phil who comes running out of bed going 'Dan, Dan are you alright—?!' but Dan feels empty, because as he stands in the darkness of his and Phil's home, a portrait he had never seen in his life before is hanging in the center of their fucking living room.

A fucking _wedding_ portrait.

Phil is watching him from a careful distance, arms crossed over each other as he flickers on the lights. "Look Dan," Phil says slowly, his voice so gentle and _loving._ Dan shivers, recoiling away when Phil tries to touch his arm. "Is this about us adopting? I thought you wanted children—"

Dan chokes.

" _Children_?"

Now, Phil looks slightly annoyed. "Yeah? You know, the adoption forms we signed for _months_ , Dan don't get sarcastic with me, it's 5 in the morning and—"

" _No no no no no_ " Dan feels bile rising to his throat, a deep seeded panic settling within him. _A joke_ , Dan realizes, _Phil is pranking me_. But as he looks up, ready to spit out 'this isn't a funny fucking joke', he see's Phil's face and Phil is definitely not playing games. Phil has his 'serious' mode flipped on, slightly still sleepy, therefore still slightly cranky and annoyed because apparently _Dan_ is acting crazy, because apparently Phil is completely used to their giant wedding photograph and the mention of them adopting children. "What's going on? Just yesterday you—" his voice cracks, he reaches to hug himself, withholding tears, "—you introduced me to your girlfriend? What is that?" He makes a grand motion the photograph, and then inhales sharply, trying to keep himself from hyperventilating.

"Yesterday I introduced you to my girlfriend?" Phil's expressions go from a range of sleepy, angry, annoyed to confused. "Dan what on earth on you talking about? We've been married for almost 5 years, did you dream I cheated on you or something?"

 _5 years_.

"How old am I?"

Phil blinks. "What?"

"No, Phil, really, how old am I? What's my occupation? How long have we been dating? Last time I checked, I was 25, a youtuber and we _weren't_ a couple. I'm not wrong. Don't tell me I'm wrong."

As Dan meets Phil's eyes, Dan feels a rock sink in his stomach. Phil doesn't look amused, just, _scared_.

"You... you got your age right?" Phil offers slowly, trying to give a sideways smile, as though in hopes to soothe Dan. "Maybe your still asleep, you've sleepwalked before you know? When we were back in Manchester, god was that scary. Alright mister, back to bed and when you wake up everything will be okay."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

When Dan wakes up, he wakes up with memories—that aren't his own—but contain _him_ within them.

He remembers Phil and his wedding, he remembers going to Hawaii for their honeymoon, he remembers kissing Phil for the first time, having _sex_ with Phil for the first time (then multiple times), he remembers filling out adoption forms for two Asian children, he remembers his workplace, a quaint little law firm that's a ten minute walk from their flat that Dan only started at 6 months ago, and that Phil works as a radio host for the BBC1 radio. He remembers adult-ish dinner parties at multiple people's houses (remembering that all his friends are still youtubers and that Dan met them through Phil), that he had bought their wedding rings and proposed to Phil. How Phil had laughed because he said ' _you're way too young_ ' but they got married anyways, both their parents obviously disapproving, but Dan was so certain that Phil was the one for him even though they had only known each other for a little over a year (and 5 months of that year was online).

"We had a fucking shotgun wedding," Dan moans just as he opens his eyes. He remembers his parents both refusing to speak to him anymore when he told them he was going to marry another man, then that two years later they finally tried talking to him again. He remembers his co-workers, when they first found out that Dan was married to Phil. How two of them refused to speak to him for a whole 3 months before growing out of their gross homophobia. He remembers a girl once trying to hit on him while he was in university, just as he flashed his wedding band (8 months into their marriage, and they were fighting) yet Dan still wanted to show off Phil. He always wants to show off his love for Phil. Phil is already up in their bed, reading his book and it's so fucking grossly _domestic_. Phil jolts, blinking down at Dan.

"Feeling better?"

"I remember." Dan swallows down the rest ' _but I am not the same Dan_ ' because why ruin this? Why ruin the life he has with Phil? "Sorry, for being weird."

"Your always weird." Phil laughs gently, leaning over to kiss Dan hastily on the lips. A gross morning breath kiss, yet Dan feels fucking over the moon. Dan remembers it, how they made a pact to always kiss each other good morning and goodnight. "I don't understand why your always such a jealous type, I'm _terrible_ with talking to people. Plus, we share our phones, how could I ever cheat on your without you noticing? You notice _everything_ , you gross lawyer-type."

"We had a fucking _shotgun_ wedding."

"It was very romantic, Dan." Phil laughs at softly.

"Why did you even say yes?"

"Because I felt like we were soulmates," Phil says easily, as though he's said the words hundreds of times (and Phil has: at their wedding, during their honeymoon, when Louise asks how they're doing, when Phil had said 'happy 3 year anniversary, my soulmate'). And yet, even though he knows Phil has said it before, just hearing it makes Dan's chest inflate with a profound happiness, and he doesn't know what possesses him, but he reaches up, kissing Phil gently. Phil laughs into the kiss, nudging Dan softly away. "You better start getting ready for work, you start at 8 you know."

"What time is it?"

" _7:40_ ," Phil rolls his eyes, as Dan simply pulls out his phone at that comment, scrolling through the marginally _less_ notifications than he used to have. "You were almost late the other day, you know."

"I still have time."

Phil practically _bemoans_ , before he's pulling his book upwards to start reading. "I'll be back home at 4 today, and then we can go to Louise's for dinner."

"Right." Dan says, because the Dan and Phil in _this_ universe (Dan is already building parallel universe theories as he googles these sorts of things up) have synced schedules. Dan goes to work at 8, Phil at 10, but they both get home at 4. Disgusting. Married couple synced schedules.

Phil shoots a sharp look, "Well?"

"I'll bring buy wine after work."

"Thank you," Phil says, smiling as he continues to read.

(Dan throws his clothes on in a record time of 34 seconds and brushes his teeth for a minute before running off to work, not without kissing Phil goodbye (again)).

 

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

He wakes up alone.

Not too strange, Phil _does_ have the habit in wandering off in earlier wee hours, to get coffee, turn on the fireplace, read his book in the lounge (if Dan is snoring too loud, he says) so Dan doesn't think much of it until his eyes land on the other half of his room. _Phil's_ half of their decorated room. Dan breaks out into a cold panic, quickly throwing on a pair of boxers before running into the living room (wall devoid of their famous photo shoot of their shotgun wedding, retaken in the year 2014 when they were marginally less hideous as people), only to find Phil sitting on his laptop, camera's set before him and a random blonde girl sitting beside him, her lips pulled in a gentle smile.

"Phil," Dan says cautiously, trying to recall whom the strange woman may be, and why Phil may be filming by himself _with_ her. Dan tries to contain his jealously, reminded that Phil will _not_ cheat on him. "Where did our wedding photo go?" Dan decides to ask instead, subtle warning of: _my man_ , but still not rude and addressing the larger issues, "And why isn't your stuff in our room?" Dan pauses, eyes glancing to the clock, " _Holy fuck_ , it's almost noon we have to go to work—"

Phil gives him his adorable eyebrow crinkled look, lips pursuing in a weird puckered way. "What?"

Dan simply shakes it off, deciding that Phil is probably going to redecorate or something, before rushing back into their room, pulling on his suit—noticing that at least 5 of them are missing, again, redecorating, he assumes—before rushing out the room, "Phil where did you put my briefcase and why aren't you going to work? Do you have the day off? _God_ , they are going to be such assholes about me sleeping in, Phil why didn't you wake me up?" Dan yells across the flat, flinging open the closet and trying to find his briefcase, finally he comes across a bag and then pauses. "My _documents_ , where the fuck are my documents? Phil I swear to _god_ if you put my documents in the garbage again I'm going to—" Dan rounds, coming to the previous blonde girl holding Phil's hand, and Phil frowning at Dan as though he's went off of the deep end. Dan's eyes narrow. "I'm all for friendly affection, but it's a bit early, isn't it?"

"Dan, this is my girlfriend, I introduced you to her yesterday? I was just making a video introducing her and _where_ do you plan on going?"

"Girlfriend?" Dan scoffs, "What is this? Phil I swear to god, we've been married for 5 years, stop trying to pull stupid pranks on me. Also I'm going to work, which I don't understand why you _aren't_ going to work, is the better question."

Both the strange woman and Phil give each other uneasy looks at this. Dan begins, just at that moment, to sense something isn't right.

"You... you didn't quit your job did you? Why didn't you speak to me about this—either way, I'll be home at 4, would you like me to pick up dinner?" Dan rounds into the kitchen, noticing two strange plastic objects on the top of the stove, "When'd you get these?" Reaching into the fridge to grab the breakfast they make the night beforehand, frowning when it isn't there. "Did you eat my breakfast?"

"Dan? What do you mean your going to work?" Phil asks cautiously, and Dan shoots him a sour look. _He's playing innocent like he didn't eat the only meal I'll get until the day is over, bastard_. But sucks it up. His spouse has snacking tendencies, so what? What can he do about it.

"Is today a holiday or something? _God_ , tell me these things sooner—" suddenly Dan feels his head hurt, he reaches up, holding the sides of his head as it vibrates almost _loudly_ within his thoughts, memories, things, actions, _feelings_ : they're emotions and feelings that aren't his. Longing. Regret. Wishing. Loving someone from afar. He remembers kissing Phil while he was sleeping when he was 19, at 20 holding a box of chocolates and wondering if he could confess to Phil and if they would get together. Seeing Phil date other woman. Seeing Phil with people other than _him_. "What is this?" Dan demands right away, feeling his hands shaking. "Where am I?"

Phil is gently sending away his _girlfriend_ at that notice, and Dan stands frozen in the middle of their kitchen.

"You," Dan exhales, looking to Phil. His _not_ Phil. This Phil is not the man he married. Isn't the man he loves, "Aren't my Phil."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

"So your saying your from an alternate time line but you still have the memories and emotions of, um, _my_ Dan?"

Phil doesn't look very convinced, which Dan finds odd because he's been told his talents as a lawyer is the ability to convince people of anything. Your ass cheeks are blue, penises grow 19 feet long, he can literally trick anyone into believing anything. It's one of his few talents, as a human being in general. "Yes," Dan says slowly, "I know this sounds crazy. But you and I are married and are about to adopt some Japanese kids, you work for the BBC1 radio, and I'm a lawyer in a firm 10 minutes from our house. We got married when I was 20, it was a shotgun wedding. I'm in belief this is an alternate timeline in which I did not confess to you in the form of asking you to marry me, because I have the memories and feelings of _this_ Dan, whomever this twat is, and he likes you but doesn't confess? _Look_ , I just want to get back. I have work and Phil and I are busy with our lives right now and I can't afford to be away at this time—"

"Okay." Phil says, hand raising to interrupt. "Wait, Dan _likes_ me?"

Dan literally _groans_ , rubbing his face entirely with his palm. " _Phil_ , you aren't listening to me. I know you aren't this dense. Either way I do not wish to be involved. Send me back, please."

"Why do you assume I know how to send you back?"

 _Valid point_. Dan ends up thinking, mind trying to reach through Dan's memories to make a link to why this even _happened_. Why is he here? Did they switch or is his Phil looking for him? Scared and worried sick? _God_ , the thought makes his stomach sink. He isn't sure what's worst, having an alternate timeline version of himself get handsy with his Phil, or having Phil have nobody. Phil can't live on his own, Phil breaks things and hurts himself and gets lonely and— _no_ , he has to return soon.

"I'm going to assume this girlfriend of yours triggered this strange event." Dan rises at that, heading towards where his laptop (he's assuming from the lack of stickers plastered on it) and opening it up. "What's the password? I need to do research."

"You seem a lot more mature," Phil grunts, muttering the password as he hobbles towards the kitchen to get coffee. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"Well, we are about to adopt kids," Dan sing-songs, watching in slight amusement as Phil's shoulders jolt, as though shocked. "No, I'm fine." He doesn't waste much time opening up the browser and beginning with the small things, searching up his supposed 'youtube channel' glancing over the icons of the videos, and mentally cringing, before deciding to land himself on parallel universe theories and solutions. The most information he manages to grasp is that parallel universes is still mainly a comic book thing and that there's very few old wives tales about the issue.

 _Great_ , Dan thinks, tapping impatiently against the corner of his mac. "So," Dan tries his hardest to recall the memories of last night, his or the other Dan's, and yet nothing comes to mind. "You introduced Dan to your girlfriend? This wasn't typical. My memories tell me you've never done that before."

Phil looks slightly shaken, taking a small sip of his coffee before offering Dan a tired smile, "Yeah, well I've been dating her for 2 years so... I'm planning to propose soon." As though realizing something important he says, "But I didn't tell Dan that yet!"

Even though it isn't _his_ Phil, per say, it still makes his heart ache at the idea of his— _his_ —soulmate with anybody but himself. Whether it be another timeline version of himself, or the current him. It wasn't fair, this Dan _loves_ Phil, loves him so _fucking_ much. Every part of his soul aches for Phil to simply hold him, to look at him and only him. It's so pure and virgin like, Dan is almost disgusted to be sharing the same mindset as the guy. "And so now I'm stuck in a parallel universe with a Phil that doesn't love me, whilst the Dan that loves you is probably off frolicking with my fucking husband." He doesn't mean to sound bitter, but it ends up coming out that way anyways.

"I mean I, or, _he_ wouldn't cheat on you, would he?"

"If I was your Dan," Dan looks to where the missing portrait _should be_ , where their wedding portrait should be, "I would jump on the chance of being with you, even if I was lying."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

Dan is over the moon with happiness.

Even his slightly homophobic two male co-workers can't dapper his happiness, can't tear him down from this high place he's managed to climb up too. His workplace is quaint, only a total of 10 workers (including the paralegals) and yet they cater to the elite class. They've even had people from different countries come to their firm, seeking for his services, in the 6 months he's been working here he's already managed to make a name for himself. He sing-songs a gentle tune underneath his breath, happily unpacking his bag and freezing when he realizes he's missing his documents.

 _Phil_ , his mind automatically blames—Dan realizes this is a habit of the _other_ Dan, for the Phil here tends to misplace Dan's things (just as his Phil does) but most importantly Phil likes to throw away important papers without consulting Dan first—but Dan doesn't remember even _grabbing_ any documents this morning. Just his luck, his first day at his new job and he forgets the most important thing. Dan is fidgeting within his seat, wondering if he can just pretend to look busy until lunch and then book it home and grab them and come back and try to shove an entire day's of work into a few short hours.

"Dan," Sally—probably the nicest co-worker here—says, voice almost wispy with a hint of Stitch way of speaking as she points to the office phone line. "Phil is calling."

"Phil?" Dan wanders forward, shooting a curt 'thank you' smile in Sally's vague direction before bringing the phone to his hear.

" _You managed to forget your cellphone and your documents, are you still out of it_?" Phil doesn't sound worried though, almost as though he's _laughing_ at Dan for being so uncharacteristically forgetful. Dan's worry gently eases away from his shoulders, relaxing.

"Can you bring them to me?"

Phil snorts, " _Are you sure you want me to go there? You said you have some homophobic coworkers."_

"Whatever. Who cares? They're the unmarried 40 year old's."

" _Dan,_ " Phil scolds half-laughing, " _I'll drop it off in 30 minutes as I'm heading to work._ "

Dan restlessly spends a whole 30 minutes chatting with Sally (the receptionist) who is pleasantly surprised by Dan's sudden willingness to talk to her. But _hey_ , he's over the fucking moon with happiness and if he isn't going to milk this place for each drop, then why the fuck would he even be here in the first place? He's _married_ to Phil. Fucking married. It really doesn't get any better than that.

The more senior members begin to wander in, and Dan dutifully says good morning to each one of their wrinkly asses, not too surprised when barely half of them say good morning back. A bunch of gross shrewd asshats. Dan ignores the painful jabbed looks asking _why_ Dan isn't already hard at work, deciding to linger around Sally for a bit more, until he see's Phil waddling (cutely, everything about Phil can be summarized in the word 'cute') up the massive amount of stairs to Dan's office area. Phil nervously pushes open the door, glancing around like a nervous child, before spotting Dan and breaking out into a smile.

"Your oddly forgetful today."

"It happens," Dan shrugs off, reaching out to grab the things Phil had brought him. "Are you going to work now?"

"Yes, well, I'm going to be a half an hour early due to _somebody's_ forgetfulness, but I'll manage." Dan realizes, that Phil has never actually stepped foot into his office. Why? _Shame_ , his brain immediately answers. He's ashamed of how his coworkers will treat him, but most of all, he's scared of anyone hurting Phil, whether it be verbally or physically. He simply wants to shield Phil away from all the bad in the world, and that's why he never wanted Phil in his office. Phil offers a polite smile to Sally, and Dan's chest just inflates with that fondness he's just come to associate whenever he see's Phil. Phil is fucking perfect, is what he'll end up thinking, and feel the urge to just kiss the life out of him. Dan is so preoccupied with staring at Phil, vaguely paying attention to the back and forth between Sally and Phil, that he doesn't even realize two of his more _younger_ coworkers approaching. And _younger_ means very little in a field mostly dominated by gross old white men.

"Sally, have you gotten a call back from Mrs. Chester?" There's a pause, Sally looking to her computer to search for the answer to his question, Phil awkwardly standing there, and Dan promptly decides to step between Bryan—because Bryan is not a nice person, and Phil is too nice of a person—and Phil, Bryan's eyes watching carefully.

"Have fun at work?"

"I always do," Dan grunts. "Should I get white or red wine for Louise?"

"Red." Phil pauses, looking slightly off to the side as though considering if he _really_ does want red wine. "Okay. See you tonight." Phil looks awkwardly between Sally, Bryan and Dan, and Dan feels a tear of longing, wishing to do his usual routine of ' _bye Phil_ ,' thus then offering a curt kiss. But how would his coworkers take to seeing two men kiss? They might even fire him for it. Phil doesn't lean forward, but Dan realizes they had made a fucking _promise_ to always kiss each other goodbye.

"I'll walk you to the entrance," Dan immediately cuts in, rushing to catch up behind Phil, holding open the door before slipping out with him. He doesn't however end up following Phil all the way to the entrance, because Phil laughs at him and kisses him in the middle of the staircase (after a quick look around) and tells Dan to hurry up and get back to work. Bryan, surprisingly enough, doesn't say anything about Phil, and Dan spends the rest of the day smiling ear-to-ear.

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

"So Dan likes me?"

Dan looks up from his laptop, dressed and ready to go out to buy groceries despite Phil's strange insistence that Dan should probably just buy them online. Who buys groceries online? Was Dan's response, though he's realizing that he may be pushing limits in this universe. He's apparently _popular_ here—the thought is oddly foreign and strange—and Phil makes worried remarks about Dan being photographed or approached by fans, especially since _he_ doesn't know how to deal with that sort of stuff. He's oddly put-out by the question of 'Dan likes me?' because he almost see's it as _obvious_.

"Yes." He decides on, he's on the 72nd video he's ever posted. They get better, Dan finds himself cringing less at the content and more content to see _this_ Dan growing as a person, it seems, as he get's older. If only that Dan could grow some balls and admit to Phil he wants to bone him, if _only_. Dan has creeping suspicions that if that had occurred, he probably would not be here right now. "But maybe like is an understatement."

Phil hums softly, back turned to Dan as he makes himself coffee. The scene is something he's seen a million times, it's oddly reminiscent to his own life before this, Phil making coffee, him doing something idly on his laptop or watching TV. The only difference is that he can't lean forward and kiss Phil. Though, he's starting to think maybe Phil would allow it.

 _This is the timeline in which I don't ask Phil to marry me_.

This, he realizes. But this just means Dan didn't make the leap of fate, it doesn't mean that Phil _doesn't_ like him. Phil looks to the TV, the soft glow of the morning emitting around his body like a halo. Dan suddenly feels breathless, a deep feeling of ' _This, this is the man I love_ ' filling his chest, and he hopes that when he goes back to _his_ Phil, the other Dan will be able to see this moment and appreciate the true beauty of it. "For how long?"

"Since before we met in real life," Dan says in a half-mumble, feeling the sudden lull of how he should probably say ' _rl_ ' like this version of himself does. But it seems silly, and he can't bother to bring himself to do it. Maybe Phil notices, or maybe he doesn't, but then Dan is suddenly entranced by a part in his video so it ceases to matter. "He was going to ask you to marry him, like I did, but chickened out."

There's a lull in the conversation, Phil looking towards Dan with an indescribable expression, something soft, something sad. Dan looks away mostly because it isn't his job to comfort Phil. This man is not his husband, even if they are technically the same person. He can't fix this time lines wrong-doings for them, they have to sort that out themselves. But still, it hurts him to see Phil like this.

Phil smiles, half-crookedly, "Are you happy?"

Dan is alarmed by the question, but feels himself smiling at Phil either way, the honesty of his words striking him oddly. "Yeah." A pause, he thinks of Phil smiling, thinks of Phil scrunching up his face when he's reading a sad part of a book, he see's Phil on the balcony of Greece, back turned to Dan as the sunset illuminates around him—the first time Dan had truly feared Phil would sprout wings and fly away and back to heaven—because no person so _perfect_ can simply be human. He exhales, "Yeah. I'm happy."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

Phil is watching him oddly as Dan is crouched backwards into the couch scrolling through tumblr in his famous 'browsing pose' though he respects that _this_ Phil probably can't admire the beauty and meme-culture that had been formed around this singular pose. Phil scrunches up his face, and Dan finally looks up, realizing that Phil only looks like _that_ when he's upset about something. Phil pauses, contemplating if he _really_ does want to say something, so Dan bites out a curt, "What?"

"You've been really lazy lately." Phil says in a hush of air, and Dan blinks at him, openly distraught.

"What? _Rude_."

Phil recoils back, biting his bottom lip in a worrying fashion. "Sally had even texted me that you've been slacking off at work, and you've been really unhappy lately. Is something wrong?" Phil pauses, hesitating as though he _really_ doesn't want to say the words, and Dan secretly hopes that they'll just drop the conversation like, _now_. "Are—are you getting depressed again? Because you're acting a bit like you did in _then_ and—"

Dan feels punched in the chest. 2012. Phil is referring to their big constant fights back in 2012. 2012 was the year when their marriage almost collapsed, Dan feels the hurt of the memories painfully sit themselves on his chest. Is he? Is he _really_? In 2012, from what he can gather, he was becoming severely depressed and Phil was unable to help him. Everything felt like a chore, and everything hurt, and it was _Dan_ himself that had almost ended the relationship. He was the one that had slammed the door loudly behind him as he ran out onto the streets at 4 AM, Phil watching him with a hurt expression, his arms crossed over his chest defensively. It's blurry to him how they got back together after that, cause it had almost seemed like the complete end: but how did they fix it? How did they bounce back?

"No." Dan defends immediately, feeling almost bad at how sharp his tone sounds, he sets his laptop to the side, trying to seem slightly more subdued. "I'm not getting depressed, don't worry—" how can he explain that he hates this career path? How can he explain that he's sad that his videos aren't up on the internet and that no matter how much he searches there's no memes or jokes about him anymore, that Phil doesn't understand half the things he says. He thought he'd simply be happy just being married to Phil, to be able to kiss and love him in the ways he's never been able to before. But he's not.

It's the cold reality, the dampened realization that he could spend forever with this Phil, but it isn't _his_ Phil. It isn't the person he fell in love with over time, this isn't the person he went on tour with and wrote a book with. This person is a stranger before him. Same body and the same basic personality, but different circumstances have made them different people at the very end of the road: this Phil is getting ready to become a parent, and Dan, Dan hasn't even bothered to _think_ about children yet. He's not ready to be a parent, he's still too immature for them at this current time.

"I need to tell you something." Dan decides on, exhaling warily. "I need to tell you the truth."

Phil looks alarmed, arms crossing over themselves in the same defensive way they always do whenever they fight and Dan smiles lopsidedly at the habit, slightly eased by the familiarity of it.

Dan exhales noisily, "Remember how a few weeks ago I was freaking out about how I didn't know where I was? Or well about the girlfriend, and the wedding photo, that sha-bang." Phil nods, now looking confused on how his 'sleep-walking'—as Phil had deemed it—could be relevant to whatever confession Dan is about to spit out. "Well, I wasn't joking. You and I—" he makes a grand motion to the wedding portrait, "—aren't married. Or at least we aren't in I don't know what this even _is_ , but you and I were just two youtuber bro's, and you had introduced me to your girlfriend and then suddenly I wake up and I'm married to the guy I've always one-sidedly loved and I work as a lawyer." He laughs nervously, "I know it sounds crazy but..."

"Oh," Phil says, looking to their wedding photo with odd scrutiny. "We fought that night. You know?"

Dan perks up, almost alarmed. He doesn't remember _that_. "What?"

"Yeah." Phil laughs nervously, tapping his fingers nervously into the crevice of his arm, "I kept wondering when you'd bring it up again, but you never did. It was almost like your forgotten about it completely. So I guess it kind of makes sense, maybe, I don't know."

"What did we even fight about?"

"Adopting." Phil says, a heavy sigh leaving his lips. "I said we were rushing it, and you got angry and defensive about it, and then it snowballed into this huge fight, you slept on the couch and everything and yet I woke up and you were in the bed, so I thought, is he not angry anymore? And then you just started blubbering about how we aren't married and I just—"

"Phil—"

"I guess it makes sense. I was wondering if you just suddenly dropped the adoption issue entirely because you realized I wasn't ready, or," Phil swallows, adam apple bobbing in a rough jerking motion, "I thought maybe you were planning on leaving. Cause you suddenly began reverting into this behaviour and, I don't know. I just, I just hope this is true. Because otherwise, I'm losing the man I married and I don't want that to happen again. I really don't."

 _Neither do I_ , Dan thinks to himself miserably, but all he can offer to Phil as comfort is a small smile.

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

From what he knows so far, this Dan and Phil are disgustingly close but not _together_ : despite the whole wide world net trying to convince them both that they belong together. As in dick in arse, cock down throat and humping every few days, _together_. Dan see's it, the other Dan the not-him Dan, but Phil is gung-ho on this new girlfriend. She comes over again, and Dan politely says he was having a ' _weird day_ '—mostly to soothe Phil, who's looking for even the slightest approval from Dan, but Dan honestly isn't sure how he feels about this all—what if he doesn't return to his own timeline? What if he's stuck without his soulmate? He'd rather die, honestly.

Phil is basically the same person minus them fucking. Still just as sensitive, quirky and attached to Dan as _his_ Phil is—or was?—Phil seeks out Dan's approval in the smallest of things, his girlfriend and supposed-to-be soon _wife_ , are just the same. Phil seeks out his approval about her in an almost scarily similar way to a puppy with a new toy, and Dan sits there, arms crossed as he tries to half pay attention to her and the TV, trying to act like ' _wow yes Phil, great choice in women_ '. It's very difficult. He doesn't see why it's _him_ doing this. Honestly he'd just like to go back home and hug his Phil, tell him about all the wackiness and then they could get onto adopting their children and growing old together.

"So we were looking at this flat," Nameless girl says, and Dan doesn't care to learn her name, Phil's eyes turn on her in a wild look as though he's panicking, as though he didn't _want_ Dan to know. Dan, because he's an adult, doesn't react, merely sips at his wine with purpose and poise. Her, Dan knows though, is trying to poke out a reaction. She must've picked up on Dan's love for Phil at _some_ point, whether it was before _he_ came here or because of his wedding-portrait panic, he doesn't know. "Phil insists that we remain close to you, but I'd like your permission if we could move out to the countryside."

Dan stiffens suddenly.

Phil looks at her with wide, pupils blown out, eyes. Dan instinctively stands up in attempt to put himself between Phil sitting back on the sofa with this— _this_ , bitch. She's challenging him, not _him_ , but Phil. Who is more important? Is what she's practically asking, me or Dan. And Dan isn't sure he wants to know the answer. He doesn't want Phil, whether or not it's his Phil, to choose somebody over him. These two have a special relationship. This Dan and this Phil are _best-friends_ , and the word is not taken lightly between the two of them. Their lives are intertwined and weaved within each other: to separate them would be an act of true cruelness. "Is this what Phil wants? Phil's job is a youtuber, you know this, right? He needs to be near so he can collab and—"

"Phil is also thinking of leaving youtube."

Dan suddenly feels himself go light-headed, Phil rushing up behind him calling for him but it suddenly all sounds so _distant_. He feels lost all of a sudden, before he's being reeled back into a stable place. When he opens his eyes, Phil is in-front of him, holding his biceps, blinking up at Dan almost owlishly. "Dan?"

Dan realizes immediately that their wedding portrait is hanging behind Phil, both their smiling faces smiling back at Dan as though greeting him back to where he truly belongs. Dan won't ever admit it to anyone, but, he probably cries a bit.

"I'm home."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

"Dan? Dan!"

 _Phil is going to quit being a youtuber_. No. This doesn't make sense, Phil _loves_ being a youtuber; more than Dan does at least. Phil relishes in the joy of being able to make people smile, even if it means sacrificing his freedom. He loves their quaint little apartment. He loves filming, creating, showing his true creativity to the world. That's who Phil is. This woman plans to rip them apart, to take away Phil's freedom and thinks that suddenly Dan is just going to roll over and show his belly for her to stab her fucking venomous fangs into? He steels himself suddenly, glaring directly at her.

"As fucking if? Are you fucking kidding me, you absolute twat what gives you the right to just blurt this shit out? _Phil_ should be telling me this crap not you and your—"

Phil suddenly inhales sharply, fingers quivering on Dan's shoulders and Dan suddenly feels bad. This is the woman Phil _loves_ , even if he hates her and thinks Phil is throwing away his life it isn't up to him decide. Him and Phil aren't married. They aren't even _together_. These decisions aren't up to him, and yet, his controlling issues are surfacing and Dan finds himself on the presupus of ruining yet another one of Phil's relationships. Except, as he turns to apologize to Phil, Phil is _crying_. Worry and panic immediately bubbles up into Dan's chest, exploding there and caving in his rib-cage as he reaches out, panicky as he cradles Phil face, the only instinct flowing within him being: _make Phil okay, make Phil okay_. "You—" Phil's voice quivers, wiping at his eyes.

"I?" Dan repeats, licking his lips dryly as he rubs his thumb soothingly into Phil's cheek.

"Dan," Phil breathes out, hiccuping out a half-laugh, " _My_ Dan."

Because they built this home together. They built their homes out of people, they built their homes within each other. Dan almost wants to cry at how pathetic it is, out of all the warnings in the world, all the quotes that tell him not to make homes out of people, here he is. Here is his home, standing within the palms of his hands crying. This Phil is his home, no matter how miserable it makes him.

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

He always thought that when he saw Phil get married he'd be behind him as his best man. Maybe, in the end, that is how it occurs. He doesn't even know how they came to this moment, how they've went from Phil crying into a tub of ice-cream because he said he ' _had_ to break up with her'—she'll forever be nameless to Dan, every time her name is stated he blanks it out and builds up a new clean state—and Dan had instinctively found himself on the floor in front of Phil, hands shaking as he holds Phil's hand within his own.

' _I love you, I really, really love you_.'

Phil didn't take the ring Dan was offering, but instead he squeezed Dan's hand a bit tighter and whispered, 'I know.'

A shotgun wedding, Dan had felt it was most appropriate, this was _how_ their past was supposed to go. It is only right that he succeeds it in that fashion. Dan tells Phil all about the other Phil, what their lives were like in this alternate universe, but Dan can't feel himself to be happy about that life. He loves being a youtuber, he loves the way him and Phil fucked around each other for _years_ before finding themselves in front of each other like this. This is deeper. This is _more_. They have a deep rooted past to each other, they have the book, the tour, millions of fans and millions of photos about them all over the internet morphed or simply as they were. Their legacy is much deeper, their meaning so much _more_. And isn't that what Dan craves the most? That super-human ' _more-ness_ '; that inherent human need to be remembered even after death.

Sure the other Dan and Phil had privacy and an upcoming family, but Dan has his own family. They have a bunch of dumb dying plants, stuff animals and their laptops as their children. Heck, even virtual characters fill in that void, but most of all Dan has _Phil_. Phil's hands are steady within his, smile soft and knowing and Dan feels absolutely breathless.

"You guys look so love stricken," PJ says, grousing out the words with keen punctuation. Dan can only roll his eyes fondly, more so disturbed by Louise's loud weeping.

"It isn't really a wedding, you know this, right guys?" Phil says, warily as he stares at all the current teary-eyed people staring up at them. Dan almost wants to snort. It's true, there isn't an a wedding officiant, there isn't really big diamond infused rings. But there's them. They have their families, their friends, and really, Dan thinks its close enough to being a wedding.

"Close enough," PJ says exactly what Dan is thinking.

When they take their 'wedding photo'—to which Phil protests _again_ that it really isn't a wedding—Dan can only hang up the portrait with an weird feeling of pride. Because, he doesn't mean to make love a competition, but him and Phil look a lot better than their alternate universe version's wedding portrait. And it isn't even a wedding portrait. Dan can only smile opened mouth back at the couple smiling down at him. Plus with the added extra of _that_ below the photo. He finds it silly (or a lot of silly). Honestly he finds it completely dumb and irrelevant to everything and Dan has refused  _profusely_ to it, but Phil buys the large numbers '11:11' in shiny silver from Michael's and puts it on their table, candles lined around it and it almost feels like a shrine. Dan wants to snort, wants to laugh because even with everything that happened he highly doubts wishing on 11:11 was what made all  _that_ occur. 

Still, it's an origin story, and Phil loves cheesy origin stories. 

Phil is sprawled on the couch, opened legged as he watches a scary movie, pillow cradled against his chest as Dan makes a point of avoiding eye contact with the screen. But suddenly their eyes meet, and it feels stupid, but all Dan can think is;

 _This is the man I love_.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> idk about this, a part of me feels like it's incomplete and that i could expand on this a lot more. but... im lazy af... 8k is already pushing my authorly limits. so rejoice, heres this shitpost


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